ROCHESTER, NY — As is Rochester’s tradition, Festival Guy emerged from his burrow this morning, and succinctly retreated back after seeing his own shadow, predicting another 6-weeks of Jazz Fest.
“I can’t believe we have another 6 weeks of this festival.” Said Nemetoade Brockport, local business owner, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for supporting the arts communities, and the high school jazz bands and what not. And I tell ya, my sales are through the roof during Jazz Fest — To be honest, it’s responsible for the majority of my yearly profits. But there’s only so many times I can listen to wannabe Eastman dropouts brag-lying about how they solo’d over Giant Steps changes at Milestones back in the early 2000s.
Irondequoit High Schooler and Student Jazz Band member, Steve Marshall, was distraught at the news.
“I just don’t know how I can keep playing Autumn Leaves for six more weeks straight.” He stifled, holding back tears, “I have my permit test coming up, I barely know how to drive because the engine won’t start until I transcribe these old Jazz numbers that are on loop in my car’s stereo. Not to mention I’ve been getting grilled on my swing feel and two-five-ones.”
Rochester Audio Professionals are less than prepared for the coming weeks.
“I knew this day would come,” Said Adrien D’Angelo, Rochester’s only Sound Guy, exhaling his Camel Turkish Jade, “This legend has been passed down from Sound Guys generation to generation. I just never thought I’d be the one to wage auditory battle in what is known by my people as The 128-Bar Jazz Festival.”
At press time, Festival Guy stated that he will be back out of his burrow in time to spread joy through the city dancing to the sick jams that will be taking place over the next six weeks, he just needs to wash his shorts first.