Fairport, NY – When local animal shelter Lollypop Farm conducted their annual demographic research, they made a surprising discovery.
Adoption Counselor Sheryl Parker revealed that over the last two years a shocking 40% of applications for the shelter’s available cats were submitted by your Aunt Dawn.
“We were all familiar with Dawn’s name from the applications. It came up a lot, and I mean a lot. But we didn’t realize that the breakdown was so Dawn-heavy. I guess it makes sense when you lay it all out.”
Administrative staff pored over the application intake to search for patterns in your aunt’s application behaviors.
“It was about 18 months ago when we adopted out the first cat to Dawn. It didn’t raise any red flags when she applied for a second cat. Even a third. I think in total we ended up adopting out four cats to Dawn.” Parker said. “I still think about them sometimes. I hope they’re doing okay.”
Lollypop Farm also noted that there was a significant uptick after Dawn’s divorce. “In the months after Dawn’s divorce, she applied for every cat that went up for adoption. We only knew she was going through a divorce because she mentioned it on most of the applications during that time period.”
When Dawn applied for one Persian cat, she wrote that she was “looking for a man that won’t leave me like my good for nothing husband Frank did.”
“I think the moment I started worrying about her well being was the time when she added ‘Please. I need this.’ in every field of the application,” Parker recalls. “Or the time she visited our Fairport location and told the receptionist that she had a terminal illness that could only be cured by ‘kitty kisses.’
“Once that happened we told Dawn that we would not be placing any more cats with her. Shortly after that we started receiving a number of applications from a ‘Senor Gato,’ who turned out to be Dawn in a false mustache and a sombrero. We confirmed this when she submitted a headshot instead of a recommendation from her veterinarian.”
Dawn could not be reached for comment, but an anonymous source revealed that all four Lollypop Farm cats would be featured in the Phantom of the Opera themed Christmas cards she will send to your family this year.