Rochester, NY – Aaron Burr, 3rd vice president of the United States and famed foe of Alexander Hamilton, has been spotted outside the Auditorium Theater attempting to illegally sell tickets to ‘Hamilton.’ The hit touring musical is here through the second week of May thanks to the Rochester Broadway Theater League, and Burr is here because “Hamilton had it coming to him.”
When asked what Burr was doing in front of the theater he replied “that duel ruined my life! I haven’t been able to find work since then. I decided to head for new land. In New York, you can be a new man!” This reporter noticed Burr’s appearance was less that of a statesman and more of a man fallen on hard times. Several empty bottles of Sam Adams IPA were scattered at his feet and his clothes smelled as if they hadn’t been washed in over 200 years.
Within minutes Rochester Police was on scene and Mr. Burr was taken into custody. Theater patrons began cheering, which provoked Mr. Burr to shout “fools who run their mouths off wind up dead!” With arraignment scheduled for the third week of May, it appears as if Aaron Burr will miss Hamilton after all.