Rochester, NY – This past weekend, a flower lady was spotted entering Monroe Ave. bars at
one in the morning. This wasn’t unusual, except for instead of peddling flowers, she was
peddling kittens. In a previous attempt to increase business, she had switched from live roses to
light-up plastic flowers but abruptly stopped after people kept trying to pay her in weed.
The flower seller was unavailable for comment, but we found a kitten recipient who was ecstatic
about her new friend. “I wasn’t going to take home the guy who bought him for me, but at least I
get to take this little guy home. I’m going to name him Tito’s Soda Splashhacran but I’ll call him
Cran for short.” When asked for her name, she vomited and staggered down the street with the
little tabby in her purse.
This new business model could be a hit for women in bars everywhere. There’s nothing special
about a limp rose from a Genny-chugging bro. We’d rather have the cats.