“Don’t Shoot I’m Unarmed & Ales” Bar to Open

ROCHESTER, NY – Local entrepreneur LaQuan Washington is putting the finishing touches on his new “target throwing bar” venue, “Don’t Shoot I’m Unarmed & Ales”.

“For some reason, I don’t feel too safe around a bunch of drunk folks with axes”, Washington stated, “And if ever there were a bar fight, I am not confident that the police would know that I have no part of it. I just can’t put my finger on why… So I built a bar that would alleviate that pressure.”

Laquan Washington’s bar boasts 15 brews on tap, a full food menu, and six targets. Patrons can throw a myriad of provided non-weapons at them, including iced tea, bags of Skittles, plungers, cell phones, a showerhead, bibles, hair brushes, loose cigarettes, pizza, wallets, camera tripods, a Wii controller, or even a toy truck. “If you STILL don’t feel safe, you can just point at the target and go, ‘Pew pew’! Even the dartboard is Nerf darts. Something for everyone. No one will mistake us for having a weapon!”

Sadly, just before posting this story, Laquan was shot and killed by an officer who mistook his bag of laundry for a Sherman tank.

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