ROCHESTER, NY – When a NASCAR executive took a trip to visit relatives in Rochester this year, he had a hell of a time driving his rental car while looking through a small hole his defroster made in his frozen windshield.

“That’s when it hit me!” said Bobby Gahsohleen. “That’s why the northerners never really got into NASCAR racing. Of course, they aren’t impressed by guys turning left when they have to make it to work every day looking through a piece of glass the size of my butthole!”

Ratings for the events are expected to go through the roof as crashes, the number one reason everyone watches, are expected to increase by 100%.