ROCHESTER, NY – Tom from Webster decided the outdoor skating rink at Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial Park would be the perfect spot to take a Tinder first date. Having a year of peewee hockey under his belt, he felt confident he would impress the stranger from the internet with his skating skills. He was wrong.

After one pass around the ice, his legs looked as if he was a newborn giraffe, and his ankles looked like they were made of rubber. He tried to make one too many corrections and went down hard on the ice directly on his tailbone. In an effort to save face he told the Tinderella he was fine even though his ass now felt like a grenade went off in his pants.

The only thing colder than the ice at the public skating rink is the medical grade ice pack underwear Tom will have to wear for the next three months to reduce the swelling on his shattered ass.