Judge Astacio’s Holiday Tips for Decorating A House Arrest Ankle Monitor

WARNING: Make sure before you start bedazzling your ankle monitor for the holidays that you check with your lawyer and the rules given to you by the court. Then go ahead and ignore all those rules because they’ve never stopped you before!

While other people might hide their big, clunky reminders that they’re a criminal, Judge Astacio encourages others to live like her: Loud and Proud! Your ankle monitor is a part of you. So why not make that court-mandated GPS tracker reflect your Christmas spirit!

Tip #1:

Stickers! The hard unforgiving plastic of the ankle monitor makes a great surface for holiday stickers! Great creative with them. Astacio prefers the letter stickers because with them she can write out her catchphrase: “I’m A Judge!”

Tip #2:

This one might be only for others like The Judge that are still collecting a nioce $173,000 judicial salary and benefits because it’s a little pricey but DIAMONDS! They are a girl’s best friend remember! Add a couple here or there using taxpayers dollars as a reminder that you can do anything and also that the system is broken!

Tip#3:

Bows On Bows. Let’s be honest. You bought one bag of bows for your gift wrapping back in 2002 and are still using them. Go ahead and make yourself the real present this year! Slap one of those bad boys onto the strap of the ankle bracelet that, I need to remind you, will land your holiday butt back in jail if you tamper or sever in any way!

Tip#4:

This is a little risky but if you need to get out and grab a cocktail or 5 with your best enabling friends, go ahead and reach for some wrapping paper with metal finished to create an impromptu faraday cage to block out the GPS signal. Got this idea from an electrician this year that blocked his signal using a bag of chips.

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