Rochester,NY- Mayor Lovely Warren has just announced that the very controversial red light ticket program will now be replaced by a group of homeless men from Monroe avenue just standing at the corner of the streets waiting for pedestrians to drive by to scream verbal insults and if it is appropriate, racial insults. We spoke with the leader of the pack, he asked him to just call him “Buddha”. This is what Buddha had to say about the new program.
” Well, ya know. The old program just wasn’t working, people were not getting how their reckless driving was ruining everyone’s life . Sure, they got some fancy ticket in their mail, but that didn’t stop them. So were really hoping this new approach will set these people straight. So whenever we see someone driving through a yellow light, we’ll yell stuff like “slow down faggot” or “Honda civics are for pussies”. Sometimes for good measure one of the boys will make sure to throw an old pair of underwear at windshield. Some people don’t agree with our tactics, but I have to say its been pretty effective. Just the other day this colored fella tried driving thru a four-way stop and we able blow out two of his tired with a piece of plywood and some industrial thumbtacks, then we dragged him out of the car and pepper sprayed him. I dont think he’ll be breaking any traffic violations.”
When asked if their methods were also breaking the law homeless Joe just replied with this.
” The way I see it, Miss lovely warren is paying us in subway cards with over 75 points for a free foot long, she might as well gave us homeless men the key to the city with an offer like that.”