Who’s at the Airlock?

Out in Space, nobody can hear you scream. But we in the International Space Station sure as hell can hear whatever loud-ass is knocking at our door right now. Who the fuck even knocks on an airlock? we have radios and other electric bullshits, also a doorbell THAT NOBODY EVEN USES.


Who is knocking at the door?

Is it an alien? Probably not. The first and last time they visited was over China in 1950, and only because they needed to stop for a second and re-coordinate. Aliens never want to come here, and its pretty understandable; to develop massive interstellar travel just to come to earth would be a little silly especially since in all probability intelligent life does exist and is doing a lot of the same things we are doing with our space exploration. It’d be like living living in a neighborhood of 3 Michelin star restaurants and deciding to drive across the country to visit a Denny’s.

Is it those pesky Russians? Hmmm, maybe. They have been slacking on their usual pranks lately, although the last one may have made them want to cool off. Who knew a snot-rocket could pierce the hull of a space craft? We didn’t, thats who, and I’m pretty sure Ivan and Drogov got into some pretty big trouble for that. Plus, they’re gonna think twice about trying anything on us ever again now that we filled all of their spacesuit air tanks with circus peanuts.

A persistent meteor? What? No, how would that even be possible? It would have to move back and forth and, y’know, knock. If you’re gonna have dumb ideas go have them in private, we’re trying to figure this out. And don’t throw a tantrum like you did last time, we’re still cleaning skittles out of the control console.

Fuck you, why not just go look? Oh! Oh now look who has a mouth on him! What a development- look everyone, look who wants to swear all of the sudden! Huh! Mister idiot wants to cuss all up and down this bitch! well go on then, why don’t you cuss yourself right up to the door and see who is knocking, huh?

…It’s Jacobs.  What do you mean it’s Jacobs? He’s sitting right over there, you can see him. Don’t be an idiot, who is knocking at the door of the space station?

Im serious, it’s Jacobs. He’s Crying. Get out of the way- Oh holy fucking christ. Oh my god, thats Jacobs. Get him on the comm link-

~#Please let me in please! I need to get inside please just let me in! Please dear god open the door#~

Get Jacobs in here! Holy fucking god, J-….Jacobs! Yes get the fuck in here! What is going on? Calm down Jacobs- Jacobs stop crying I need you to stay calm

Im freaking out here man, what is happening? Do not open the airlock! Keep it closed, Jacobs I need you to calm down-When did you last go out in your spacesuit, huh? It was with the rest of us, right? For routine maintenance? Did you see anything-

Jesus christ his tether is ripping, we have to let him in! DO NOT let him in! Jacobs look at me, I need you to tell me if anything strange happened, did you see anything-

He’s losing air man, his tether is ripping! He’s gonna fucking die out there man! Jacobs! JACOBS! LOOK AT ME JACOBS! I NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

~#Please I am not of wanting to die out here in space like baby!#~

Wait what? Oh-Oh god dammit! It’s the fucking Russians! Jacobs were you in on this? You son of a bitch, they got us! Holy shit, that was amazing! God, they got Drogov to look just like you, jeez!

Yeah, wow! Wow is right! God damn, Jacobs you sly son of a bitch! Agh! I can’t even be mad at that, that was genius! Open the airlock, get Drogov in here, we’re having a fucking drink. That was amazing!


Drogov! Drogov you rascal!

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