Rochester, NY- A typical Sunday morning for the Lord Almighty, the angels are singing, his humans are gathering together to worship his awesomeness, but God has something else on his mind. It’s been bothering him for sometime. God can’t remember if he made Pluto or not, he thinks at some point in his boredom, he just whipped it up to kind of keep humans interested. We spoke with God to get a better perspective on this.
” You know, when I was in my younger years, I really found out that I was quite the creator! So I made you humans and you guys were cool for a while, but I gotta be honest, sometimes you really piss me off. So I just started making planets without you guys and it was actually pretty cool. I made one out of rocks and silver shit and another one that’s just gas, like straight up gas that could just blow up and wipe all of you out. I like to live on the edge…of the universe.”
God then started to mumble something about, “Thou this and thou that”, but we here at the Inner Loop simply ignored him. God than apologized for getting off track.
“Sorry about that, my mind wanders from time to time. I have a lot going on, you humans have so much stuff your constantly asking for and I just feel bad all the time that I can’t give you everything you need, well I mean I can, but I’m not going to. You humans don’t know whats best for you, I do. I always will.”
God walked away for a moment to send a tsunami to the Sudan.
“Sorry, It had to happen. Life, yah know? So, Pluto. Not really sure what to think about it. I don’t think I made it, but it kind of resembles a lot of the other things I’ve made. So, there’s that? I dont know, why do you guys over analyze everything? Cant a God just like do things and not have some sort of all-knowing mysterious purpose behind it? ”
When we asked God why he just sent that tsunami to the Sudan, God simply shrugged and said “YOLO”.
We here at The Inner Loop do not have any affiliations with any religions, we simply chill with God on the weekends because he’s like a cool guy and stuff.