Rochester, NY- Rochester officials gathered around Wednesday night and opened a bottle of champagne in celebration. Mayor lovely Warren took the lead of the night saying to her fellow officials ” It’s days like this that we can all look back and remember, we did the right thing! Despite being constantly attacked by the general public and our consciousness, we have succesful gentrified Rochester!”
The crowd of officials exploded into cheers and laughter, throwing sacks of money at each other and raising the flag of the very symbolic nazi germany over their heads. We spoke with Chairman of the neighborhood and community development Jacklyn Ortiz to see how she felt about this radical change in Rochester. ” I honestly can’t believe how smoothly things have been transitioning for us! I mean you look at places like Mt. hope and how it was struggling neighborhood because of so many gross poor people there and now that we’ve successfully planted so many overpriced restaurants, things really seem to be booming! I mean we have a shop that delivers cookies to people?! Only really fucking rich white kids can afford that shit.”
It seems that this seems to be on going thing happening in Rochester, with other neighbor hoods like Cornhill area seem to really be catching on to this trend.
“We know that the idea of pushing all the poor people in one area and having just one large area of poor people is much easier to deal with than to have all these poor people scattered around town and kind of just making things super awkward for people who were lucky enough to be born into money.” Said Rochester Official #3
When we asked them if they ever thought about fixing some of the poorer areas of the city, they all roared into laughter and took off through the ceiling on their jetpacks. It seems that Rochester is on a smooth course for gentrtifcation, we all know the biggest battle to come is trying to fix that one patch of Monroe Ave that kind of just fucks it up for everybody.
Corner Cafe Bakery and Constantinos have recently closed, we have deemed them failures to the white agenda.